Sunday, January 1, 2012

My Predictions For 2012

I am not a psychic nor do I place any weight in prophesies or predictions.   I don’t place the burden on myself of annual resolutions since I’ve found they are pointless for me.  My predictions are intended to be read tongue-in-cheek.  I’m confident that you will not see me as a great seer or savant.  Here we go:

The economy will get better – slowly.  The things that caused the economic collapse took years to be put in place.  Likewise recovery is going to be slow and ponderous.  It wasn’t just the greed on Wall Street that led to the collapse – it was also the greed on main street (as much as people don’t want to admit it.)  Realistically the economy will not get better in our country until the horrors of the 2012 election are over.    

The world will not end on December 21-23 2012.  If the Mayans could predict the end of the world, why didn’t they spot the end of their own empire?  Simple answer, they couldn’t predict squat.  For the people that are anticipating the end of the universe in December of 2012, feel free to give me your money and stuff. 

Nature will be a harsh mistress.  This was easy to predict.  There will be fires in California – followed months later with mudslides.  Snow will happen and we will all watch the news as cars slide into each other.  A hurricane or two will slam into the US – complete with the obligatory footage of Jim Cantore and Al Roker standing in the high winds to demonstrate that, to our surprise, winds accompany hurricanes.  Tornados will attack at least three mobile home parks in the spring.  An earthquake will happen so we can see the scientist being interviewed that he/she had predicted it was going to happen (it would have been nice if you had warned us in advance asshole.)

The Occupy Movement will either disintegrate or turn violent.  Images of 1968 Chicago make me wonder if that is what we will be facing this summer.  The Occupy Movement has proven thus far that their protests are uncoordinated, unorchestrated, cluster-fu*ks.  Their only real solution is to either dissolve or take it to the next level and become violent.  With two political conventions this summer, things have the potential to be entertaining. 

The European financial crisis will continue.  Could this be the end of the EU?  Everyone is so focused on Greece that they don’t realize there are three other countries that are close to collapse too. 

Iran is going to suffer some sort of attack/“accident” at their nuclear facilities.  Let’s face it, no one is happy about this country possessing an atomic bomb.  I’d be more comfortable with Stewie Griffin having one rather than this country.  Someone will make sure they don’t keep this capability. 

Lindsey Lohan will have “issues.”  Rehab again?  Sure, the tenth time is bound to be the charm.  Why is this person in the news anyway?  Her movies suck.  She will either hit bottom and turn things around or end up in a body bag.  Oddly enough, I find myself not caring either way. 

Middle East peace will not happen.  Again, I chose a safe prediction here.  Centuries of conflict will not be resolved this year. 

Gold prices will plummet.  Impossible you say?  All I know is that the price has climbed too dramatically over time.  I got a B in Economics but even I know an overinflated balloon when I see one.  Remember the housing market and how people whined it could never drop?  Can you say, “Kaboom?”  Gold is going to take a hit at some point and there will be a lot of people sitting there saying, “how could this have happened to me?”

The Kardashians will find new ways to get into the press.  Won’t these people simply die?  These people represent everything that is wrong with our country – arrogance, focus on the media, false adulation, etc.  I am confident we have not heard the end of them – sorry. 

The election will bore all of us to death…and then will get entertaining.  Can you say third party candidate?  We are already tiring of the talk of the election.  None of the candidates, including the incumbent are appealing.  This opens the door to a potential third party for the first time in years. 

Even if a third party doesn’t emerge, this entire process will prove exhausting for the American people.  We don’t all agree on anything which means all of the candidates are unappealing.  While it seems possible that Obama might only serve one term, I never underestimate the capability of the Republican Party to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. 

America will become more divided.  We have so many divisions it is hard to document all of them.  The burden of being middle class is going to be the breaking point of our nation if not addressed.  As a nation, we lack focus and even general agreement on what to do.  This opens the door for evil thoughts and actions. 

I will have at least three books out this year.  Secret Witness will be out in April.  This summer will be the long-awaited release of Virginia Creeper and The Rules:  The Cynic’s Guide to the Corporate Overlords, will be out.  Not bad for half a year.

There you have it!  Feel free to add comments and include your own predictions to the list. 

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